


Lost in the shadow of fire

by shieraseastar03



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fear, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Romance, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 12:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19005796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shieraseastar03/pseuds/shieraseastar03
Summary: Azriel meets the only daughter of the High Lord of the Autumn Court, Lucien's sister and when his shadows meet her flames...





	1. Arriving

**Author's Note:**

> Most characters belong to SJM but I created some more, like Ansel (daughter of Beron and Lucien's sister), Shiera (Rhys' mate, who was married to Tarquin), Alec (Rhys' son, whose mother was Rhysand's deceased wife).

When they arrived at the Olympus and they found their court all together in the garden, they all looked at the stranger who was with their High Lord and Lady. Ansel was nervous of meeting the people living there, the people who Lucien and his mate was living with. When they were near and looking at the red-haired stranger, Rhys began the presentations “She's Ansel Vanserra, Lucien's sister. She asked if we could help her and we agreed to take her here. It seems Beron is an asshole also with his own family too” “Indeed he is” Ansel agreed in a lower voice. 

Mor looked at her and then at Shiera, she nodded her head and Mor understood what was going on, even though she hadn't have heard of that female. She came closer and introduced herself “I'm Mor, Rhys cousin and Third in Command”. 

Shiera watched as the two beautiful females shaked hands, both of them had, but none of them knew of the other one's story, horrible families which tried to sold and give them without asking what the females really wanted. But of that horrible families both had a cousin or a brother they loved since they were children, and they had helped them to become the strong females they were now. 

Then a beautiful silver-haired female with brown skin and sky-blue eyes, came closer to and introduce herself too “Cresseida, Princess of Adriata” “And my wife” Mor added softly with a little smile, Ansel's eyes seemed surprised but she let out a laugh and said “I'm pleased to meet you both”, and they grinned. 

A short female with grey eyes and clothes, and a shiny ruby necklace came and introduce herself and the male by her side, who looked like he was Cresseida's brother, “Amren, Second in Command and Varian, Prince of Adriata”.

In a moment an illyrian male with hazel eyes and shoulder length black hair was there “Cassian, General Commander of the Night Court Armies”. 

Then another male joined, he was similar to Rhys but with blue eyes, “I’m Alec, Prince of Velaris” he spoke kindly.

Ansel looked like she was overwhelmed because of meeting these new people with lots of titles who had fought in the war, some of them in both wars, they were all amazing warriors, and she was shocked when she met the Highlord’s son, she had heard that by the end of the last battle of the war, when Rhysand died and his mate brought him back to life, everyone found out that that young male was his son, but Shiera was too young to be his mother so when Ansel asked Lucien about it in a letter, he told her that Rhysand had been married to a beautiful and kind female who was murdered by Amarantha when Alec was eight years old, and Rhys had been trapped without been able to save his wife or see his son again, and then imprisoned for over fifty years. 

Then an illyrian male like Cassian and Rhys came closer to them, Ansel couldn't stop looking at him, he was so handsome but like he hadn't noticed it, his wings were wonderful and huge, he had his beautiful hands all covered with brutal scars, but what made Ansel's blood froze, were the dark and mysterious shadows that his body produce, like an octopus does with the ink. When the male reached certain distance he stopped like he was frozen too, she felt him watching her hair and hands.

When he realised they were been watched and they had made a silence he introduced himself “Azriel, Spymaster” but his hand was trembling when he offered it to her, her own was doing the same because she was feeling so many different things at the same time. 

She was fascinated about him, his beauty, his huge wings, his wonderful but scarred hands and frightened about his shadows. 

The shake took a moment and then she gave him a little but sweet smile as she said “I'm glad to meet you”. 

As she watched them all together she couldn't take her eyes off Azriel, and he seemed to be watching her in the same weird way.

Ansel looked to where a voice was calling her, she turned her head and saw Lucien with a young female by his side. 

He embrace her and for a moment nothing else mattered, the fact of being in a different Court of her own, leaving her family behind because of what they had tried to do to her, Lucien leaving his High Lord alone in where he had thought it was his home, watching as their own family destroyed everything they had loved… It seemed like they were children again and they were escaping of their brothers, because by their own they were vulnerable but together they were stronger, they had always loved each other more than brother and sister; much more than they loved their own brothers or their father. 

“What… What are you doing here?” Lucien asked her shocked, “He… he tried to arrange my marriage with… I didn't even payed attention to that, I was so scared that I escaped into the woods when they left me alone. Then I found Rhys and Shiera and I asked them for help, I thought you could help me…But I don't want to put you in trouble if he finds out that I'm here” said looking at Lucien and then to Rhys, “It seems that this is the perfect Court to all the beautiful brides who want to escape of their fiancés” he said looking at his mate with a grin and Shiera began to laugh. 

When they were more alone, Lucien pointed at his brown-eyed mate and introduced her to his cousin, “Ansel, this is Elain; my mate and wife”, both females grinned to each other, “If you had came earlier you could have come to the ceremony” Elain said with a soft smile, Ansel let out a laugh and she smirked as she said “I have always wanted a sister, and it seems my beloved brother has found the most beautiful one”, Elain’s cheeks with that words turned red but smiled anyways.


	2. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azriel offers himself to teach Ansel how to fight and she discovers a bit from his past.

Weeks passed and Ansel began to feel better and accepted, everyone here were so nice, kind and funny, just the opposite of what everyone else outside this Court thought there were and with Elain, Shiera, Mor, Cress and Amren she found out what friendship was. 

Ansel had heard that Mor had been engaged with Eris but in her family anyone told her how the engagement was broken, so one day she asked Mor, and Ansel thought her opinion about her own family couldn't decrease more, but when Mor told her story Ansel was astonished, how Mor's family had sold her even though she had fought against, how she had chose an alternative way to escape but with a high price, her family sold her anyway but Eris rejected her and her family attacked and harmed her, but then she became stronger, fell in love and found the courage to marry the beautiful princess who owned her heart, without thinking in what her family would say. “Rhys wasn't lying about how this Court was perfect for those who wanted to escape of their fiancés” Mor told her laughing. 

She became closer also with the boys but Ansel was still feeling something she didn't know what it was, and it looked like Azriel felt the same way. Whenever they were together she tried to act normal and he tried the same but they always reached the point when the situation became strange and a silence appeared, but they always change the way and apply some jokes. 

One day Ansel was watching Shiera training with Cassian and Azriel asked about if she had ever trained, Ansel said “In my Court… My old Court, they prepared ladies not warriors. They teach us how to be perfect daughters, ladies and wifes; but if we had learned how to fight they wouldn't have done whatever they wanted with us. If you can defend yourself against strangers, you can do it against you family”, her expression turned sad and Azriel asked her softly “Would you like to train?”, Ansel looked surprised “But… I'm old for beginning to learn…”, Azriel moved a scarred hand in disagreement and began to explain.

“No one is too old to learn, when I was a child I wasn't allowed to fly so when I arrived to the illyrian camps I didn't know how to fly so when Rhys, Cassian and I began to become friends, they taught me. When Shiera arrived here she hadn't learned how to fight or fly and she asked if she could be trained, we all thought it was a great idea, she had beaten Amarantha without training at all so with her enthusiasm and determination she would be…” “Invincible?” Ansel said laughing, “Yeah, kind of..” Azriel added smiling. 

“So… If I decided to train… Would Cassian do it… Or it would be you?” Ansel asked modestly, “That depends on you. Rhys recommend Cassian to train Shiera physically and in fighting, and me for the flying lessons, because she needed to be ready to fight in a war that was so close, Cassian would train her fast and I would teach her how to fly for the first time because I began to do it later than Cass or Rhys. So… The choice is yours”

“Would you, mmm… would you mind training me?” she asked in a low voice, “It would be a pleasure… If you want me to, of course” Azriel said nervously and Ansel said sweetly “It would be an honor in you train me… Azriel”, he gave her a smile and added “Please, call me Az”.


	3. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple admits their secret feeling towards each other.

They began to become friends while he trained her and when they all went out in both cities. One day Varian and Amren didn't show up in the whole day, Lucien and Elain where at the Spring Court, Alec, Mor and Cresseida went to the Rita’s but disappeared inside, Cassian was at the illyrian camps, Rhys and Shiera were on a date in Adriata and Azriel asked Ansel if she wanted to go for a walk with him and she agreed.

When they saw a couple, Ansel found her courage and asked Azriel, “Mmm… Az, are you with someone? I mean, here everyone has their private life kind of opened, they are with someone, or trying to be with one, like Cassian and Nesta; but I don't know anything about yours… I saw how you look at Mor sometimes, mmm… Were you together or…? Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be asking these questions…” Ansel said noticing she had made a huge mistake.

“No, no, I understand you have questions, you are new here so… The truth is that I used to have… feelings for her” Az explained, “Used to, not any more?” she asked, “I still love her but how she has always loved me, as a friend, as family. I had feelings for her but she didn't felt the same way, anyone but Alec and then Shiera knew that she prefered females, she didn't want to tell us because of what we would think and she was terrified because she thought I would hate her for letting me thinking we might have a chance together” Azriel said without looking at the red-haired female. 

“Did you? Hate her, I mean” Ansel asked gently, “Of course not, I always noticed that something happened, but I never imagined… She told everything to Shiera and she advise her to open up as soon as possible so I would know it, but only when she was ready. Then she helped Mor and Cress to get together and when they were she urged Mor to tell me so I could… understand, when she told me everything made sense and I saw how she talked about Cress and I couldn't be jealous or mad at her, I started seen her as a friend again, now we are closer than we've ever been, and Cress is also a friend so… everything is fine now. But no, I'm not with anyone at the moment. Are you? I mean, have you found someone in Velaris or Adriata?” he asked faster than he wanted to, “I… I might have found someone but… Can I ask you something?” Ansel asked silently, “Anything” he said. 

“Why every time that we speak to each other you always reach a point that you look away or like you are angry with me…” she began but he stopped her “Angry with you? Why do you think that?” Az said surprised, “I…I like you… I like you and every time that we are together and I think I can open up beginning with physical connection, like touching your shoulder or something like that, you reach a point when you step aside and… I don't know if I you are in love with anyone else or is just that you don't see me the way I do with you…”, the words started to be free and they didn't want to stop but Azriel said “Wait… You like...me?” there was a huge feeling of surprise in his eyes.

“Of course I do, you're the best male I've ever met, you wanted to train me and you're kind, nice, funny… I knew it was obvious that you wouldn't like me but…” Ansel began with her voice getting lower, “Why I wouldn't like you?” Azriel asked even more surprised, “You are the spymaster of the most powerful people in this world, one of the 3 best illyrians in history and you have a power or gift so strong and powerful that it's like unknown. And I am a female from other Court that escaped from her own family, that has been alive for years but without really doing anything” she said nearly in tears because she was ashamed of herself and would he should think of her.

“But I thought you were the one who would never noticed me. You were born in a Court that hate us, you are a strong female who is brave enough to run away to another Court and to begin training… You are a Highlord's daughter, I'm… an illyrian bastard, my hands are all covered by scars and in contrast… you are the most beautiful and perfect thing I've ever seen” he said in a really low voice.

“You… But why did you step a side?” she asked looking at his eyes, “It had something to do with yo, but not completely… it was about my stupid fears that I've not recovered from them yet” he said looking at the ground, “What fears… I don't understand” she asked confused, Azriel hands began to tremble and Ansel asked in a (choked) whisper "What happened to your hands?", he took a deep breath and began his story.

“I was a bastard of an illyrian Lord, I lived for eleven years with him, his wife and this two sons. They locked me in a cell and only allowed me to see my mother for an hour every week. I wasn't even allowed to fly, the cell was so small that I have no scape and they didn't allowed me to go out, that's why when I met Cass and Rhys, I didn't know how to fly. Anyway, when I was eight my brothers though it would be fun to experiment with fire… and a shadowsinger. When the others illyrians in the camp heard my screams, it was too late for healing my hands. Now, every time that I see fire… I feel like I'm again alone in that dark cell, the fire burning everywhere… I have try to escape from fire since that”.

“When I met Shiera and saw what could she do with fire, the fear began again, but I've watched and learned that fire is for her like water, darkness, air, light.. They're elements that she can, not only control but that are a part of her. I know Lucien has also fire, but he doesn't use it”.

“Then you appeared and… You were the most beautiful thing I've ever saw but your hair was like a living flame, you showed little flames in your fingers… I was dying to get closer to you and the time for shaking hands came, and also that stupid fear, I thought you… could burn me for accident and my hand began to tremble. Then every time we were together I tried to control the fear because… I was so in love that… I'm sorry if it seems that I was angry with you”, his entire body was trembling now and Ansel was nearly crying with all those words, “I am… I am so sorry, I didn't knew what had happened to you… I'm so sorry. But it's not a stupid fear, I… I am afraid of darkness, that's why my own hand was trembling the first time, I saw you shadows and… Did you said you loved me?” she asked so shocked, “I do, since the moment I saw you. Do… Do you…?” Azriel began really afraid but she stopped him with a smile, “I do, I love you too, also since I arrived here”.

They looked to each other and at that very moment, nothing else mattered; they were just both of them looking at the other, not looking at the outside or the inside, on the contrary, all they were but they didn't think anyone could accept and love. 

He passed a trembling hand over her red hair, it felt like he was touching a flame but without getting burnt. He began to talk peacefully, without leaving her eyes “Shiera told me someone who owns fire can produce fire that isn't dangerous, that it doesn't hurt anyone, it's that possible?” Az asked her, “It is, is something really rare but it could be done. But why are you asking this?” she said confused. 

“I thought that if you could produce it and I touch it, I may lose my fear. If it's a stupid idea…” Az began but Ansel smirked again and said “It's not, I think it's a great one, but do you trust me so much?” she said afraid of hurting him, “I do” he said with confidence, looking at her. 

She began to put her hands in vertical, her palms and eyes looking at him, “When you are ready” she said with a little smile, “Now”. 

Little flames began to appear in her fingers and then began to grow, the gorgeous yellow, orange and red flames danced around her fingers and then through her hands. 

Azriel took a deep breath and put his hands in a vertical way, his palms in front of hers, the shadows around his hands like ink, he began to get them closer to her even though they began to tremble, she put her hands closer to his, with her own trembling by seeing his shadows, and when the top of their fingers touched each other's, Ansel gave him a relieved smile. 

Then their fingers got interlaced slowly, shadows and fire dancing together and Azriel took a step and the distance between them was so tiny that they could breath in each other's breath.

They spent some time with their hands and fingers interlaced, their foreheads together and looking at their joined hands.   
Ansel drifted forward, something inner guiding her, and trailed her thin, pale fingers along his hands, tracing the scar tissue and deep burns.

Then Azriel, without fear at all, pressed his lips in her flaming fingers, looked at her eyes and separated one hand from hers and put it in her waist, pressing her against his body while asking her a question no with words but with his eyes. 

She looked at his eyes and her free hand began to go higher, directly to his neck and then, with his hand on her waist, her hand in his neck playing with his hair and their hands joined together with her fire and his shadows dancing around them, he lowered his head and kissed her.

He had never felt nothing like that, it was all he had ever loved and feared, he was kissing and holding hands the most wonderful female, who had fire in her hair, hands and soul. He had seen her fire and now he was not afraid of her anymore, he loved her and she loved him more than he ever thought. 

Ansel was dealing with the same feelings, she was with one of the 3 most powerful illyrians in history, a male that owned the shadows but she wasn't afraid of them or him now; she loved him and he loved her, flames and shadows included. 

She dared to look up as his lips reached her shoulders, tracing along her collarbone, her neck… Ansel sucked in a breath, tilting her head almost without realizing it, granting him better access. His lips ghosted along her collarbone and she shuddered, pressing closer to him, trying to feel him through those fighting leathers, needing to touch him

When the kiss grew and they wanted to mixed their powers, bodies and souls. Their joined hands got to separated and began to explore each other's body. They wanted more and more and his hands were moving across her back, exploring softly her dress and skin, “Do… Do you want to…?” he asked afraid of ruining the moment if he was going to fast, “Yes, yes” she said moving her hands under his jacket, exploring him faster and losing her breath, he smirked and asked her “Your room or…”. “Yours” she said kissing him again.


	4. Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her fire powers seemed a problem when she lost control.

His shadows wrapped them and they appeared in his room. She was a little scared of travelling by shadows but when they were in the room with the moonlight over them, she looked at Azriel and began to kiss him again.

They got undressed sweetly and dropped in his big bed, his wings were totally opened and she began to touch them gently and he groaned with pleasure adoring her with his scarred hands.

She was laid on the bed, under him, kissing him, and when he began to make her trembling of pleasure by exploring her body with his soft hands, she lost control and her flames surrounded her.

Azriel was sliding his hands on Ansel's waist when she lighted herself on a fire without control, he felt his palms starting to get burnt and he separated them from her body in a second.

When she realised that this fire was the dangerous one, it was too late, Azriel had got his hands burnt again, but now by her, he had trusted her and she had recreated his worst fears. He was on his knees on the bed, still panting but looking at his burnt hands.

When she saw what she had just done, the fire disappeared and she was on her knees too. She tried to reach him with her hand, but she didn't want to hurt him more, so she said nearly in tears “I'm sorry… I am so sorry. I lose control sometimes when I’m feeling a lot of things at the same time… I'm sorry, the last thing I wanted was to hurt you… You must hate me know… I've recreated your worst fear… I'm so sorry” in the middle of the first sentence she had began to cry and now tears rolled down her face to the bed, where she was looking at because she couldn't look at him, she couldn't bear to see the fear, sadness or anger in his eyes, all because of her.

Azriel continue looking down, at his hands as he said quietly “I am not”, Ansel raised her head with confusion, Azriel lifted his own looking at those wonderful eyes filled with tears that were still falling on the bed.

“All these years I've been afraid of getting burnt, of feeling again that sorrow, again alone in the darkness. But now… I have felt the pain but I haven't felt the way I was in that cell. You took me by surprise, I was not afraid, I was… surprised, I guess. With you the fire was, is different… I… I love you” he whispered getting his head closer to hers and then, he closed his eyes and kissed away every single tear in her surprised face.

Then she kissed him in his cheeks too and they started a passionate kiss filled with his shadows and her tears.

Ansel was still trembling and sobbing as she rested her head in Az's shoulder and he pressed his lips with a smile in her neck while asking “If I hug you know, will you promise not to light you again on fire, my love?”, she let out a laugh and more tears rolled down her face and his shoulder, “I'll try” she said sobbing and laughing.

He kissed her neck again and began to wrap his arms around her back and waist and she did the same with his shoulders and neck but carefully and trying to calm herself, not to produce fire accidentally again.

“Am I… your love? Before you said…” Ansel murmured, her sobs making her tremble, “You are, I love all of you and you are my love. If… If you want to, of course” Azriel said kissing her shoulder and comforting her by passing his hands over her back.

“That's all I want, my love” she said kissing his cheek.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

They heard how the front door of the palace opened and laughs entered; Cassian, Lucien, Elain, Cress, Mor, Alec, Rhys and Shiera. They all had returned.

Ansel rested her head in Azriel's chest while kissing it and then she looked at his eyes for saying “Shiera is here. I know I have ruined the moment but… You have to go and ask her if she can heal the burns I've made you… Please, I can't see you harmed… by me…” Ansel said lowering her gaze again to the tattoos on his chest.

“You haven't ruined anything” he said sweetly, kissing her hair, “If I go to ask Shiera, when I come back could we… continue?” Az asked her carefully, “Yes please… In the meantime I'll try to calm and control myself” she said smiling and then laughing.

Azriel cupped her face and kissed her again before getting a pair of trousers and leaving his room, not without looking one last time at the sweet and wild red-haired female who was sitting naked in his bed, the one who had confessed that she was in love with him, who had made him falling in love with her, who had burned him but he was more focused in getting in the room and kiss her again than to get his hands healed.


	5. Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They found a way to solve the problem.

He found their court talking and laughing sitting together in the big sofa. Azriel asked his High Lady if she could help him with something, she looked shocked at him, but she agreed and followed him to the hall. 

“Az, are you ok? What happened?” the princess asked her shadowsinger, “I… I want to know if you could heal me” he said with a little smile. “Heal you…? What happened?” she asked worried, “I… I got burnt” he declared, “With what? I don't understand” his brother's mate seemed confused, “Ansel… We were… together… and she lighted herself on fire” the spymaster confessed. 

“She lost control? That's weird, it happens only when… If she did that she should have been feeling a lot of things at the same moment… What were you both doing that ending with her feeling a lot of things, lighting herself on fire and you touching her while she was doing it?” Shiera inquired with curiosity and her brows raised. 

“We…” he began ashamed of confessing to his High Lady, “Ahh! Are you together, is that?!” she interrogated the illyrian male, “Ufff… Why are you so smart?” he replied with a grin and the princess began to laugh. 

“You are together… Fire and shadows… Awww, I told you opposites fit together” she covered her smile with her hand without been able to stop laughing. 

Then she remembered what he had came to talk to her, “Where were you burnt?” she wanted to know, Azriel showed her his hands, still covered with the old scars and the new red ones. “Oh, Az… I'm sorry. Does it hurt too much?” the girl inquired, “It did in the first moments but now it doesn't really” he replied with a smirk and Shiera looked at him with a funny expression and told him “Love does unknown things with our fears” “It truly does” he agreed. 

She took his hands and healed them without stopping smiling at her shadowsinger. 

“Can I advise you both about something?” she asked grinning, “Are you going to give us love advice?” he inquired and began to laugh, “No, you stupid fool” she said giggling.

“It is about… Losing control. That happens me too but darkness helps to fight against the flames. I know Rhys' darkness it's not like your shadows but… You should try to combine both, her fire helped to be controlled by your shadows” the wise princess suggested. 

Azriel thanked her for everything.

Thanks to her Mor was happily married with Cress and had told him what she really felt, now they had the best relationship with her, like a brother and sister; thanks to her Ansel was in this Court, Az was healed of the burnts his red-haired love had made and now they had a way to be physically together without being harmed. 

His High Lady embraced, kissed him in his cheek and wish them luck smiling. 

When she returned to the living room, Az began to walk down the aisle that led to his room with all his body full of energy, happiness, love and desire for the wonderful female who was waiting for him.


	6. United

He entered in his room and found Ansel sat in the huge bed, dressed with a black robe. 

When she saw him, nearly jumped to stand up and in a moment she was next to him. Ansel was so nervous that she began to pass a hand over her red hair as she looked carefully at the winged male, “Are you…?” she started but the illyrian wrapped his arms around her waist, when she felt his touch, she did the same with her arms and he rested his lips in her forehead.

He explained her everything that Shiera and him talked about and then she said grinning at him, “It seems my time has come to face my fears… Flames and shadows”. 

“Together?” Az asked kissing her hair, “Together” she agreed kissing his chest.

They looked at each other’s eyes and she Ansel began smirking “I hope you don’t mind that I’ve took this robe, I was getting cold…”, Azriel started to laugh and answered “It looks much better on you, but I thought you have fire inside you to keep you warm, my love”. 

Ansel started laughing and hugging him more, he did the same and then she lifted her face to see him and they joined in a fervent kiss. 

He commenced to move his hands under her robe, touching every inch of her smooth skin without stopping to kiss her. She moved her hands over the waist of his trousers, his back and wings. With no words they walked to the bed again, getting undressed fiercely together and they lay down in bed.

Azriel kissed her again, slow and soft. A hand slid up the plane of her torso while he lowered himself over her, his hips nestling against hers. She gasped a bit at the touch, gasped a bit more as his knuckle grazed one of her breasts, as he leaned down to kiss the other. His teeth grazed over her nipple, his tongue flicked against it, and her eyes drifted closed, a moan slipping out of her. His hand making lazy strokes from her ribs down her waist. Then he began to go lower and her body began to tremble with pleasure. 

Ansel got scared of living the same awful moment of hurting him again and she cupped his cheeks with her hands, “Before going further south…” she said and kissed him before continue, “You'll have to show me your shadows… and see if that technique works” she said grinning to him and Az smiled back while she wrapped her legs around his back and he said “As you wish, my love”.

He made her groan and yell of purely pleasure, love… and when she started to feel the heat and he noticed she was about becoming a flaming female, Azriel opened his immense wings entirely and set his shadows free, to surround them. At the moment that Ansel saw how his shadows being free with power but caution of scaring her, and when he started again to kiss her waist, she burst into fire.

Azriel grinned at the reds and golds flames that erupted from her, around them, illuminating his dark shadows. He could feel her heat, her fire touching him gently without hurting him, and she could feel his cold, his shadows moving through her skin. They smiled to each other, noticing what they felt. 

The hardness of him pushed against her, and she bucked her hips, needing to grind herself against him, to do anything to ease the building ache between her legs. Az groaned, and Ansel wondered if there was any other male in the world who would be so naked and prone with a female on fire, who would not look at those flames with any ounce of fear.

When Azriel was seated deep in her, trembling with restraint as he let her adjust, she lifted her burning hands to his face, shadows tumbling and roaring around them, dancing across the moonlight with ribbons of flame. There were no words in his eyes; none in hers, either. Words did not do it justice. Not in any language, in any world.

He leaned in, claiming her mouth as he began to move, and they let go entirely. She touched his shadow-covered wings, he groaned and pushed her more while kissing, their tongues moving together and their flames and shadows dancing in passion. 

When both felt more than satisfied, Ansel kissed his tattoos, passed her hands over his back and shoved him backwards to the bed as she moved her body so she was above the shadowsinger. He continue kissing her at the same time as he passed his shadowed-hands over her burning thighs. She commenced to mount him, feeling Az inside of her again. They groaned and smiled together, seeing how their powers, bodies and souls were mixed. 

She belonged to that illyrian bastard-born warrior, afraid of fire, blessed with dancing shadows, and he belonged to that wild female, afraid of the darkness, blessed with fierce flames. They had never know that, but now there was nothing more clear.


	7. Portrait

They woke up with the sunlight around them. When they realised they were in the same position they had fallen asleep, they smiled dozing at each other. 

Their guts started making noises because of the hunger, and Az looked at his clock and said “Mmm… Good afternoon, my love”, Ansel looked him with surprise, “Afternoon? What time is it?”, “One o'clock. It seems we were trying to beat Shiera's record” he laughed. 

Az got dressed with his pyjama and Ansel with his black robe. They embraced together before going to have breakfast… or lunch. 

Ansel looked at a painting that was on a table, a beautiful female with illyrian wings was smiling inside. “Az”, “Mmm…” he murmured to her red hair, “That painting… Is she you mother?” she asked him separating herself from him a little, to look at him. “She is. She… died when I was young. Both Cassian and I lost our mothers while being at the illyrian camps, we weren't allowed to visit them… We didn't remember them, Cass only remembered her voice singing and I only remembered her eyes” Az confessed quietly.

“This painting… if you didn't remember her…?” the female asked confused, “For the Winter Solstice, we make gifts for everyone in our court and Shiera gave everyone of us a painting of someone we loved. She rebuilt our shattered memories and painted the most wonderful portraits we'd ever seen” Azriel spoke, “Cassian’s and yours were about your mothers?” she inquired kissing his tattoos, “Yes. When we saw it, everyone went to thanked and embraced her, I’ve never seen Cassian… so emotional”.

“It seems that she was right when she chose to do the gifts instead of buying them” Ansel jocked, “She did. We thought we will never see our loved ones again or even remember them” he told her while wrapping his hands around her waist. 

Ansel looked again at the delicated winged female and then back to her shadowsinger “What was her name?”, “Astrid” he told her in a whisper, “She is beautiful, and she would be so proud of you” she whispered kissing him. He kissed her back, thanking her for that words and they kissed and hugged each other for a while.


	8. RIng

When the Solstice was near, Azriel had already bought all the gifts for his family, the old and the new one but he hadn't bought yet Ansel's one. 

They've been 4 months together but for him ot had been a lifetime, he had never been so full, so happy. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, she made him laugh more than he had ever did. 

Azriel was sure of what he really wanted, and he hoped that Ansel felt the same way. 

He went to their court’s favorite jewelry to buy a ring for the red-haired female who possessed his shy and shadowed heart. 

He looked over the rings and his eyes stopped automatically at one. He didn't know anything about engagement rings, but he knew how their souls were, one bright like the fire, and one dark as shades. 

The ring that caught his attention was one completely black but with a bright gemstone that had the same color as Ansel's hair, as a stunning fire. The shape was like a tear, like a flame indeed, and he didn't hesitate, he bought and keep it with a smile in his face.


	9. Solstice Cabin

The Solstice arrived, and when Ansel woke up Azriel wasn't by her side in the bed. She went to have breakfast and found Shiera, Mor and Cresseida starting theirs, dressed with winter clothes. 

When Ansel joined them eating she asked about where was Az, Shiera started to laugh and Mor let out a sigh and began to explain grinning, “Since they were children they have the same tradition every Solstice morning, they go to a cabin that we have in the mountains and they… If you had seen Shiera's face when she saw them…”, “Aren't you going to tell me what they do?” Ansel inquired confused, Shiera gave her a smirk and said “Trust me, it's better if you come with us and see it”.

“You do the same tradition as them?” the red-haired female asked, “No, we came up with a new tradition” Mor explained, “Will you come with us?” Cress offered, “I’ll. Do I need something?” Ansel inquired, “Warm clothes and a towel” the High Lady clarified. 

She got what she needed and joined again the females, they appeared in the middle of a snowed field, mountains full of snow surrounded them, and a huge and luxury cabin made of wood. 

In a side of the field were 4 snow forts, inside of each one was a black-haired head that raised and in a moment snowballs flew through the cold and windy air. 

“They are…” Ansel began really surprised, “Having a snowball fight” Shiera ended laughing again. 

They walked over the forts, Shiera moved a hand and 4 snowballs were made with the snow by they feet, they flew and hit the 4 illyrians in their heads; the winged males yelled and looked at her, she sent them a kiss and smirked at them, “Are you goong to make this a new tradition, Shiera darling?” Rhys asked at his mate, she laughed and answered “I guess so, my love. Oh! Az, we have brought Ansel to see your mature tradition”, Azriel did a face palm ashamed and Ansel laughed.

They got inside the cabin, in the meantime Cress explained what the males did later and what the females will do. They went to the birchin and got relaxed together. When Mor told her how Shiera got Rhys expelled from the birchin by his brothers and his son, because she made him…excited, Ansel couldn't stop her laugh. 

When they finished in the birchin they went with the boys to the pool, jacuzzi was the word that the High Lady used, it was a pool with bubbles and hot water, one half was on the outside with snow falling in it and the other on the inside, with the wood walls around them. 

All of them, males and females got inside the jacuzzi with the snow everywhere. Ansel was in Az's lap, like Shiera was in Rhys', Mor and Cress together and Cassian was near Alec, “It seems we have to begin looking for a couple, everyone here has one…” Alec said to the General Commander with a grin, “This is discrimination…” Cass agreed with his nephew laughing.


	10. Proposal

They had dinner together and before going to the living room to give the presents, Azriel took Ansel's hand and went with her to a balcony where you could watch the cities' lights in the middle of the night.

They hugged and kissed each other while looking at Velaris and Adriata. “This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, Az” she murmured smiling at him, “But… Why are we here? Weren't we supposed to be inside? Don't you have to give your presents?” she asked him.

“We have like 5 minutes before the gift exchange, in those minutes Cassian and Mor will be a bad influence for our young High Lady and they'll show her how funny is to be drunk at the Solstice” Az told her laughing, “Really?” she asked him laughing too, “Really”.

“But while we're here I would like to give you my gift for you… I … I hope you like it” he told her kissing her red hair. He separated from her, his body trembling because of the nervous as she looked at him with a surprised face.

“I love you, from the moment I first saw you. At first I thought it was fear but it wasn't. You have taught me to trust and to love you and your wild and stunning flames” he said smiling sweetly at her.

He’d known what he wanted, so he got more separated from her, took her hands, knelt down before her, and asked looking at her eyes “Will you marry me, Ansel? Will you be my wife?”.

She got frozen with what was happening. Azriel, the winged male who owned shadows and had been afraid of fire, who had been burnt by her, who she loved more than anything… Had just proposed her.

When in the Autumn Court her father had talked about her marriage, she had been so afraid of joining her life to another male that she had run away. But now with Azriel on his knee, proposing her, with his hands full of shadows taking hers… Ansel looked at his eyes and lighted her hands on fire as with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face she said “Yes”.

His smile when she answered was more brighter than any flame. Az kissed her flaming fingers, grinned again and stood up while she jumped on him with tears on her face but smirking.

He wrapped his hands around her waist harder, to press her more against his body, kissing her neck; Ansel wrapped her own around his neck, kissing his cheeks and lips without stopping. Shadows and fire dancing around them, both of them smiling and saying “I love you”.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

They spent a while like that, mixed in a passionate hug and kiss. Then he kissed her cheek and said smirking “Don't you want to see your Solstice gift?”, she grinned back while saying “I thought that was it, having you and now…”, “For ever” he completed her sentence.

“Yes, I thought that was it, and I could never had imagined a better gift” she confessed kissing him, “That was not the gift, was the needed step before giving you my gift” he said searching in his pocket.

He opened his hand, showed Ansel the ring he had chosen for her and infoduce it in her finger. Ansel opened her eyes with surprise and covered her opened mouth with her flaming hand, “Az… It's… I was going to say that it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen but…that would be a lie. You are the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, but the ring is a close second. It's perfect. Thank you” she whispered smirking and kiss him again, he did the same and said “I love you”.

 

************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Az, I know you are too busy with Ansel but it would be great if you guys decided to honor us with your delightful presence” Cassian yelled from the sofa, “Have you and Mor drunk Shiera yet?” the shadowsinger yelled back while embracing Ansel and smiling, “They have” Rhys’ voice said and they could hear the princess laughing very sharply.

Ansel look at her fiancé and said touching his dark hair, “I guess it's time to join the party”, Azriel kissed her and offered his hand “Shall we go?”, she took it and kissed his shoulder “Yes, my love”.

They walked together into the huge living room, where everyone was. When they entered, Shiera instantly stopped laughing and her green eyes were directly to their joined hands, and to the ring in Ansel's finger.

The princess gave them an interrogating grin with a question that didn't need to be asked, both looked at each other, smiled and nodded to her. Shiera put a hand over her smile, stood up and went to embrace them both “Congratulations” she said kissing them in their cheeks.

Everyone came to imitate her. Az and Ansel were being swarmed by friends, by weeping and by hugs, by shrieks of delight and “Oh my God that ring is gorgeous”.

“It seems that we both have ended with former Autumn Court members” Elain told them smiling, “I won't tell you to take care of her, but I advise you to be careful, she's crazy” Lucien told Azriel, holding his shoulder and smiling him and his fiancé; Ansel punched her cousin in his chest but laughed and smiled to him and his mate/wife.

“Don't pay attention to him, everyone is crazy here” Cress told Ansel, “If she hasn't realised that before… Now it's too late” Alec laughed.

“Mor and Cress got engaged on the Summer Solstice, Az and Ansel on the Winter one, who is getting engaged in the next Summer Solstice?” Shiera asked her court laughing.

“Now we can officially say… Ansel, welcome to the family” Rhys announced raising his glass, everyone raised their glasses and toasted together, congratulating the engaged couple.


	11. Beron's Letter

“What is that?” Azriel asked his wife when he entered on their room and saw her holding a letter, “My father… He has written for the first time in...” she let out a sigh, “And what does the letter says, my love?” Az inquired as he wrapped her in his arms, sat on her chair with Ansel in his lap. 

“You are the spymaster of this Courts, find it out…” she said laughing but explained “He wants to know why did I escape and when I'm going to come back”. “This is my letter to him” she said showing him another paper and when he finished his voice betrayed him, “You can't tell him this, Ansel”, “Ansel? Not my love?” she inquired, “This is serious. Beron is not the type of father that accepts that his only daughter is married to…” Az spoke but he wasn't able to continue.

“To...? What's wrong of being married to you? Because you are illyrian? That's stupid, only because you're not a high Fae…” the lady started to say as she passed one arm over his shoulders but her shadowed husband murmured “It's not stupid, it's tradition. The high Fae think that everyone that it's not like them are in a lower position. Beron won't accept that his only daughter has gotten married without his permission and for getting this worst, you're married to a member of the Court that he most hates, married with an illyrian and it's even worst because…”, “Don't you dare to say it” she warned him but he murmured “I'm a bastard. Even for my own people I'm not worth, so imagine the opinion of a High Lord”.

“I don't care what he thinks of us, me or you. You are the best male I've ever met, one of the 3 most powerful illyrians in history, a shadowsinger and spymaster… You are my husband and I love you more than anything in the world” she spoke but he started again ”Ansel…”.

“ Listen and listen to me well, I'm in love, Azriel. I don't care from whom you are the son or from what specie you are. I fell in love, and there's nothing they could do to show me otherwise. Every little detail of you makes me fall in love, your hazel eyes, your raven hair, your smile, your shy laugh, your lips, your wonderful wings, your bewitching shadows, your soft and beautiful hands… Everything, I love absolutely everything about you. For me you’ll always be perfect, my perfect male and my perfect husband. I love you” Ansel told him holding his shoulders with one arm and caressing his face with a flaming hand. 

Azriel lifted his gaze, with his own hand covered in scars took his wife's covered in flames and kissed it. Then they joined their foreheads as she whispered again “I love you and you should love you too, because you are wonderful, my beloved husband”.


	12. Meeting

The High Lords meeting arrived again and this time Azriel would go with his wife to face her father. She was wearing a deep-blue dress, the same color as Azriel siphons, her red hair was a long waterfall of flames, and her beloved ring shining proudly. 

This time the meeting was in Helion's palace. 

They entered with their hands interlaced to show Beron that she didn't belonged to his Court anymore. 

During the whole meeting, Beron's family eyes were directly to the black and orange ring in Ansel's finger, her hand joined to Azriel's. 

When the meeting ended, Beron came to talk with them. “How dare you?” he spoke but they didn't know for whom the words were destined, “You had a duty with your Court and you ran away with this…” her father was nearly yelling, “I don't belong to your Court anymore. You decided that it was my duty to get married but I wanted to decide for myself, and I have done” Ansel said holding her husband's hand. 

“You didn't want to marry a good noble high Fae male and now you are married to… an illyrian bastard” Beron declared, “You're forgetting how good male, warrior and husband he is because you're only focusing in how he was born. You have no right to say anything, I don't longer belong to you, I belong to his Court because I chose it and I chose him. He is my husband, so shut up” Ansel spoke coldly. 

Beron turned his face to Az's and spoke “She was born to be a bride of fire. You have nothing to offer her in the shadows, bastard”, “I'll go when she sends me away, Beron. Don't expect me to leave her side until then” Azriel's muscles tightened at his own words but Ansel's hand hold his harder with proud.


	13. First Born

He'd never seen anything so small.

The thought echoed in his head like a war drum, steady, yes, but loud and thrumming and inescapable, too. He couldn't help but match it to the beat of his heart, the restless, anxiety-riddled thing in his chest keeping him from the blissful oblivion of slumber. A slumber that countless others have told him to seize whenever the opportunity arised.

So small, he mused, looking down at his scarred hands… seemingly gargantuan through his sleepless-addled gaze. It's any wonder he won't break beneath his touch.

But he knew she was a fighter, this child of his. He had known it from the moment he scented her in Ansel, from the first time Madja placed her hands on Ansel’s stomach and confirmed it, and every moment afterwards.

Had known it the most when his wife had bled (a plethora of medical jargon thrown at him that basically signified a tear in her womb, causing distress to the baby and triggering an earlier-than-scheduled birth) and spent more than 17 hours in labor.

Ansel and the baby inside her, his wife and his future daughter… They were both fighters, that day while he, for once, had to endure that agonizing wait. Every second away from her, from them, felt like an ever tightening shackle around his neck that threatened to choke the very breath out of him.

He was no stranger to the sight of his clothes, his hands, drenched in it and to the tangy, metallic smell of the life fluid, having spent most of his existence in battlefields. Yet nothing could have prepared him from Ansel’s harrowing cry rousing him from sleep, as their sheets seeped the bleeding, transforming the ivory into a glaring red.

Yes, he'd been thrust into battle time and time again yet in that moment, with the love of his life a sweaty, quivering, hemorrhaging mess in his arms, he'd never seen so much blood. Well, actually he had, when Shiera nearly died when she gave birth to Dastan and that frightened Azriel even more.

Ansel bleeding… That was the last he saw of her that night for upon the healer's arrival, Madja had relegated him to the living room where he nearly tore the floorboards from his mad strides. No amount of soothing from the females (sans Amren, who merely sat in a corner with that preternatural stillness, glared at anything that moved and replied with clipped, terse, monosyllabic words when spoken to, as anxious as Amren would allow herself to feel or show) or faux-ribbing from the males could appease him.

He had wanted to stay with her but like every father during the birth of his child, they hadn’t allowed him to stay. Azriel had argued and fought to be with Ansel, even Rhys had tried to convince Madja but she said that the High Lord had been the only male allowed because the first time that Shiera got pregnant they had been twins and that had been unusual and the second one, she had nearly dying.

It wasn't the waiting that unbalanced him so much as the thinking. Madja had silenced the room the moment she entered and swiftly kicked him out of the bedroom he shared with Ansel.

His first-born.

Cauldron, his first-born.

He had never expected to get married due to the crush he had on Mor and then he had learnt that she would never return his feelings.

And then he had met Ansel.

And his world had changed forever.

He fell in love so deeply… And above all odds she had fell in love with him and together they learnt to face their worst fears together. Then they got married and Azriel thought his happiness couldn’t grow even more. Until they found out she was pregnant.

And now there he was, unable to do anything but wait. So could he really be blamed for the way his thoughts brewed a wild and tempestuous storm within him? It certainly didn't help that the last image he had of Ansel was the rivulets of blood running down her legs the way tears might stream down one's face.

But there were no tears misting those beautiful eyes, only steel and determination. It should have assured him, that look. But the darkness, the writhing and ugly kind, liked to grab hold of his mind and twist the most innocent of thoughts into the most horrifying adumbrations. His mind was a reel of effigies in the shape of his most catastrophic fears while his insecurities reverberated throughout corners of his brain in an endless, tragic, parody of a symphony.

It was a cacophony up there, but none more so than the erratic beating of his nervous heart.

He was feverish with worry now, the sun having risen and set with no word from Madja, not even the squeak of the wooden door. He had made up his mind to barge through that door, the healer's implicit banishment, when he heard it… a cry.

It pierced the still, night air… the sharp din flooding the townhouse, awakening the Inner Circle and rattling their very bones.

Everything inside him had quieted. Every muscle and nerve focused on that one, magnificent sound. It was a bellow to make even the mountains tremble, accompanied by the exquisite cadence of her strong, unyielding heart.

His feet couldn't take him up the stairs fast enough and the sight that greeted him nearly brought him to his knees.

Though he could honestly care less about the state of the bed, he was thankful that those awful, reddened sheets were gone, replaced with the pristine ivory linens both he and Ansel so favored (no doubt Madja's doing, the healer surprisingly out of sight). Ansel had her back propped against the headboard, her face pale but her eyes bright as stars, the moonbeams falling from their bedroom window only serving to highlight the ethereal glow that had befallen her as the cloak of motherhood settled comfortably across her shoulders.

Upon his entry, she looked up at him with a raised brow, as if to ask, what took you so long?

The impatient look on her visage, the complete normalcy of the unimpressed act had him staggering towards the bed and falling on his knees at her side in pure and unadulterated relief. He pressed kisses onto the skin of her arm, her shoulder and neck before resting his brow there and drawing in the scent of her because finally, finally… for the first time in hours, he could breathe again.

He hadn't realize he was crying till Ansel brought his face up to meet hers. She tenderly placed a hand on his cheek and caught the droplets that strayed there.

“There was… there was so much blood” he whimpered, breaths ragged against her palm. He grasped the hand cupping his cheek to reassure himself of her presence. “I thought… I thought…”. He squeezed her fingers, unable to finish. “I am fine” she squeezed back. It was three words but it was enough.

He could see everything in her eyes… the struggle she had gone through, the ache she had felt during the first half of the birth but also the joy, the gratefulness... the love. He heard what she could not voice, saw what she saw, felt as she felt because this was Ansel , and they were one and the same.

She let go of his hand only to wrap her elegant fingers around his chin. “Come and meet our child, Az” she whispered, just as the bundle in her arms let out a soft cry, as if sensing his presence and calling out for him. He felt his heart swell two sizes for that very sound alone. “Come and meet our daughter”.

The red-haired female shifted, wrapping both her arms around their child… their child, Mother above a daughter, so that he might slide into the space beside her. Not needing to be told twice, he coasted onto the bed in the most gentle of maneuvers so as not to disturb his wife or the baby, his body molding into hers in perfect harmony.

Ansel rested her back against his chest, his arms encircling hers as hers encircled their child and together, they turned their gazes down towards her little illyrian. Because indeed, two tiny wings suddenly appeared in the baby’s back and began to flap slowly, carefully.

“She… She is beautiful” he whispered, burrowing his cheek into the crown of her head where his tears fell in quiet streams, unbidden and unstoppable. “Our little illyrian” Ansel added, smiling widely at her husband.

“What's her name?” Azriel asked kindly and Ansel’s smile grew in her lips. “Astrid” she replied, her voice equally soft as she lifted the babe higher for him to gaze closer, tiny wisps of black hair peeking from beneath the blanket he was swaddled in. Azriel’s heart stopped and looked at his wife, astounded. “Are… Are you sure?” he said nervously and her gaze was so sweet and gentle that broke his shadowed heart. Ansel nodded, “I couldn’t think a better name for our little illyrian female”.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

Three booming thuds rattled the door, a fourth one causing the wood to bang open and announce the arrival of none other than Lucien and Elain.

“Where's the new illyrian?” she exclaimed, “Because she has wings, hasn't she? Oh, my love you have an illyrian niece. Isn’t it fantastic?”.

Lucien lifted his brows, trying not to laugh and both, Azriel and Ansel winced, casting a quick glance at the baby cradled between them, blissfully unaware, thank the Mother, before directing their livid glares onto Lucien.

The red-haired warrior showed the couple the palms of his hands as an apology and went to congratulate Azriel while Elain went to the free space beside Ansel. Her sister-in-law frowned, before adjusting her hold on Astrid so that she might face his aunt.

The Lucien came to sit next to his mate and sighed, running a gentle finger across the top of the babe's forehead. “She's absolutely gorgeous” he cooed. “Just like her uncle!”.

The pair of them rolled their eyes, but quickly sobered at the sight of silver misting the line of Lucien’s eyes. But as Elain held the baby carefully, Lucien embrace his beloved sister. “You did wonderfully, Ansel” he whispered, kissing her cheek. Then he reached across them to clutch at Azriels’s arm. “You both did”.

A beat, and then they burst into giggles, suffusing the air with some much needed levity. Astrid didn't so much as stir, a surprise given her parents' rather... difficult dispositions.

When the heavy blanket of silence enveloped them, Elain bit her lip and with uncharacteristic nervousness, remarked, “We convinced everyone to let us go first. They're just downstairs”.

The unspoken question hung in the air. Ansel and Azriel exchanged a look, the shadowsinger dipping his chin at his wife as if to convey that it was her choice. She nodded back.

“We're both quite tired” she mused and at the word tired, a tidal wave of crippling exhaustion crashed into her husband’s bones, like his body was only just remembering the fatigue from not having slept for more than a day. He sagged against Ansel then, his eyelids heavy.

Elain stood up and Lucien’s shoulders drooped, but Azriel gave a smile, the tiniest quirk to the corner of his lip, yes, but a smile nonetheless. “But I think Astrid would like to meet the rest of her family”. Elain suddenly perked up, beaming at the couple. “Astrid?”. Ansel nodded, “Like Az’s mother”. The brown-eyed female hugged Azriel in a strong but kind hug. “She is perfect. I’m so happy for you both”.

“What do you say, my little Astrid?” Lucien continued with his niece in his arms, “Would you care to introduce the latest member of the Court of Dreams to the rest of the Inner Circle?”.

Ansel and Azriel’s smile was the sun, their eyes mere slits as the attestation of her happiness coursed down her cheeks. “We would be honored if you did, dear brother” she murmured.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

Ansel was so tired after giving birth that Azriel resolved not to disturb her further, leaving a kiss upon her brow before silently changing out of his day-old clothes and into fresh ones, then venturing into the room down the hall.

Astrid’s room.

He cast his hearing throughout the palace. Az could still hear their family, still celebrating the birth but he hadn’t got the energy needed to join them. Then, with a stealth born from years of training, he entered the chambers on soundless footsteps till he was stood before the bassinet in the middle of the room. He was firm in his decision to hold his daughter, that is, till he was looking down at his still and peaceful form in repose.

So small, Az mused, looking down at his scarred hands, seemingly gargantuan through his sleepless-addled gaze. It's any wonder he won't break beneath his touch. But he knew she was a fighter, this child of his. Small, yes, but strong, the angry cry he released as she took her first breaths in the world only the first testament to that. And though he was loath to wake her and even slightly afraid he might drop her, no matter how many times he had carried Alec, Aelin or Thalia, he wasn’t able to spend another minute without having his little illyrian in his arms.

So, with a grace he hadn't known he was capable of till that very moment, he took his daughter into his arms, supporting his body with his forearm as he tucked her tiny head into his chest. The baby did not fuss, apart from the tiniest of mewls. She simply settled into him, with unconditional faith and trust. And for the third time that night… Azriel wept.

For all the nights he had wished to see his mother again when he was just a kid.  
For all the times he had wished to have someone who loved him.

And there he was.

Having a huge and wonderful family to love around him.  
Having an amazing wife that loved and supported him like he thought no one could ever do.

And having a beautiful winged daughter that had inherited her mother’s flaming hair and the wings and hazel eyes Azriel had inherited form his own mother.

And thanks to Ansel, naming their daughter like his mother, Az hoped with all his shadowed heart, that if she could see him now, see his family and her granddaughter… He hoped she was happy and proud of him.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

He didn't know how long he was there. It could have been minutes, it could have been days, but he didn't care. They were locked in this precious, fragile moment where the world narrowed till there was only Azriel, and the family he had.

And his daughter… Her feet had long since taken her from the side of the crib to the bay window seat he and Ansel had installed when they designed the nursery. He sat with his back propped against the wall and his knees bent before him where he rested his arms, Astrid’s body poised down the length of them, he could see the two nubs spanning the opposite sides of her back where his wings had sprout.

Then, afraid of his rough calluses marring his baby’s soft skin, Azriel just stared.

He took in the smatter of red hair atop Astrid’s head and hoped it would curl like her mothers when it was long enough. He marveled at the elegant slope of her nose, Ansel’s nose. He even delighted at the baby's ears, pointed proudly to show off his fae heritage. She might had his mother’s name, wings and eyes but the rest… She was exactly as beautiful as her mother.

Then he proceeded to count his fingers and his toes, again and again, and would nearly burst when he came up with the same number each time. Ten perfect little toes. Ten perfect little fingers that would curl reflexively around one of his own each time he held it to Astrid’s small palm.

And he stared at his baby again. Her red hair and beautiful face and then the hazel eyes and the tiny flapping wings, making it unmistakable as to whose child this was.

The inimitable combination of Azriel and Ansel.

And in all the wonder, Astrid shifted, waking eyes blinking up at him, and stared back.

Her eyes were little more than slits but beneath the luminous full moon, it was enough, enough to see the brilliance of those hazel eyes, the eyes of her father. And staring at those glittering eyes, Azriel blinked. He had never considered his eyes beautiful, they were just hazel. No matter how many times Ansel had said that they were, he always said the opposite. But now, looking at his daughter’s bright hazel eyes… His wife had a point. They were beautiful, maybe not his but Astrid’s eyes were definitely bewitching.

And Azriel was lost, so lost to her and the depths of that intense gaze.

So, compelled by a force greater than him, a force that could only be described as the unconditional love of a parent towards their child, he spoke to Astrid and said, rather artlessly for the supposed spymaster of the Summer and Night Court, “Hello little one”.

He paused, as if waiting for his daughter to answer before shaking his head and laughing to himself under his breath as he took one of her little feet and moved it, tickling her. “It's me, your dad”. She smiled and his heart was suddenly filled with an endless love. “Hello, my love” he whispered even with his voice breaking.

A daughter, he had a daughter, as beautiful and perfect as his mother but... Cauldron help him, he was a father. He was actually expected to help raise this fledgling till he reached maturity… he wasn't even sure if he reached the maturity enough for raise a kid. However Rhys had done, better than anyone Az knew and his brother wasn’t mature at all. And thinking about that, he thanked the Cauldron again for having Ansel, because he knew that she would be the best mother in Prythian with her kindness and humor.

But his fears came again and a buzzing filled his head then, a clamor that roared louder as his doubts grew bigger. But before he could drown in it a gurgle interrupted his musings. He glanced down, only to be captured once more by Astrid’s gaze. Azriel let out a sigh. “I'm being silly, aren't I?” he murmured to his baby. She merely blinked in reply and Azriel huffed a laugh. “You'll have to forgive me, my little baby. I'm pretty sure this won't be the last time my thoughts get the best of me”. She let out another gurgle and the shadowsinger rolled his eyes. “Alright, laugh it out now but I can be cool too!” he puffed up his chest.

“I head your uncle Rhys and aunt Shieras’ Night and Summer Court network of spies which, mind you, is a big job”. Then he frowned, adjusting his hold when Astrid shuffled a bit out of her swaddle. “The truth is... I'm afraid. I'm really, really afraid”. He let out a heavy breath. “All the training, all the battles couldn't have prepared me for this. For you”.

He looked out the window, at all the lights that spanned his beloved city, then at the garden below him, the grass that remained a crisp green when it should have been powdered with snow. He sighed.

“I never had a father growing up so, I don't really know what it means to be a good one. The only grown-up who really supported me was... your uncle Rhys' mom”. He trailed off, a small smile creeping onto his lips. “She was as warm as an illyrian could be but, she stitched us all up whenever we would get injured and she made sure we had a roof over our heads and food in our belly. She made us feel safe. She made me feel at home, at least. Even in an illyrian training camp”.

His brows furrowed as he returned his gaze to Astrid.

“Hey” he whispered softly, “You know I wouldn't make you do that, right? I mean, your instincts would probably urge you to want to do it but” he huddled closer to Astrid, “if you told me that you didn't want to train in the camps, I wouldn't force you. If you told me you wanted to be a… an artist like your aunt Shiera or a city guard or even a wonderful lady like your mother, I'd be happy. I'd be happy as long as you were happy. You're a warrior to me, my love and I'm proud of you no matter what. Just, don't be like me and keep it all to yourself, all right?”. He sniffed, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. "You have to let me know because, I'm not really good when it comes to guess feelings and I won't always get it right”.

He laughed a bit before shrugging, his voice dropping even further to a conspiratorial whisper. “But that's why I married your mom”. He sighed, a proud and happy sound. “She's probably the better choice for these emotional chats, I should think”. He winked. “She is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me and even when I thought no one could ever understand me, she did. And with you, my love, she'll know exactly what to say and where to steer you so you won't go wrong” he explained quietly and then he added, laughing “She certainly still does so for me”.

His mind flashed back to all those years ago, when her flames had mixed with his shadows, when her soft lips had kissed the scars in his hands in such a sweet way that he couldn’t still believe it after three hundred years married.

Azriel cleared his throat so as to keep his emotions from further overwhelming him and reducing him to a blubbering, wailing mess. “Because she's smart. Incredibly smart. I mean, she married me too, didn't she?”. Astrid cooed at him, as if to say her mistake, and Az smirked. “Cheeky, aren't you?” he chuckled. “You can keep a secret, right?”. His daughter blinked up at him, those eyes sparkling. Azriel grinned, leaning down to nose gently at her before pulling back. “Sometimes, I don't even know why she married me”.

“Because she loves you”.

Az’s head snapped up, surprise filling his features at not hearing her approach before softening into a serene expression.

“Hi” he breathed softly.

At her charmed expression, he wondered how long she had stood there and how much she heard. “Hi, my love” she whispered after wrapping her arms around his waist and drop a kiss on his lips.

“What are you doing up, sweetheart?” he asked, a touch of concern coating his tone. “Are you all right?”. “I missed you” she hummed while he sank into her warmth. “I missed you both”. She pressed a long kiss to his cheek.

“You're holding her” Ansel whispered, awe in her inflection, in her very touch. Her husband nodded. “I couldn't wait another moment without doing it”. “Neither could I” she admitted too while she ran her finger lightly across the apple of Astrid’s cheek.

Then she rubbed a hand flaming down the length of Azriel’s shadowed arm. “Aren't you cold?”. He shook his head, glancing out the window with a disapproving look of his own. “The snowfall is taking its time this year so, it's not that chilly”. “You sound disappointed”. “ love winter”. Az shot her a wicked grin, his eyebrows waggling. “It's the perfect weather for cuddling”.

She raised a red eyebrow. “Why do I think you mean something else when you say, 'cuddling'?”. He kissed her stomach (still rounded from childbirth) then looked up at her, mischief in his eyes and sin on his lips when he murmured huskily, “Care to confirm that thought?”.

Ansel let out a funny laugh and pushed his face off her stomach. “Not for another eight weeks, sweetheart”. “Eight weeks?” he squeaked.

She smirked. “Rhys didn’t told you about it when Shiera gave birth?”. He shook his head, feeling stupid for forgetting it. Ansel’s smile grew. “Anyway, Madja's orders. And Shiera confirmed it”.

At the mention of the healer, he sobered. His voice was somber as he said, “Whatever it takes for you to recover, we'll do it”. He made to slump against her when she grasped his chin. “I'm fine, Az”. “I know” he said softly and let out a breath, urging the tension to ease out of his muscles. He smiled up at her, soft and gentle. “My brave, beautiful warrior”.

Ansel gulped, the rim of her eyes red with emotion. She swooped down and captured his lips with her own, her kiss slow and languid but speaking volumes. She grazed her tongue along the seam of his lips and he opened for her, letting out a slight moan when their tongues touched.

At that moment, Astrid moved her head and let out a wordless murmur of what had to be protest at the sight, effectively breaking his parents apart.

They giggled.

“I’ll guess we will get used to it, sweetheart” Azriel remarked, breathing in Astrid’s honeyed, comforting scent before bestowing a kiss onto the tip of his daughter’s nose. He rested his forehead lightly atop his and the baby illyrian and gripped her nose in reply. Ansel let out another round of chuckles.

When their laughters died down, a comfortable silence settled onto the air around them as they watched Astrid fall asleep, her head snuggled into the stretch of skin between her father's shoulder and neck.

“We should put her back in her bassinet”. Ansel nodded but made no move towards the wooden crib. “We should”. “But maybe…” Az whispered, “Maybe she could stay on our bed, just for tonight” he finished, the last three words coming out in one, rushed breath. “Just for tonight” she echoed resolutely, only to bite her lip as if to contain her smile.

As if she, too, realized the lie in the words but did not mind at all, not one bit. He grinned wide enough for both of them though, as he held Astrid tightly to him with one hand and gestured to Ansel with the other. He entwined their fingers.

They crept quietly down the hall, careful not to rouse the sleeping inhabitants of the house nor jostle the bundle in his arm. And when they reached their chambers, they settled their baby between them, their heads propped on their hands as they lay on their sides and watched her just breathe, as if they were seeing the most beautiful and amazing thing amongst all.

“She's perfect” Az whispered, “Just like you” he added, meeting those bright blue eyes. Ansel smiled, “I think she is more like you. Illyrian and perfect” she whispered as she stroked Astrid’s fingers then her toes, counting them as she went. Ten, she mouthed, the number reassuring now as it was earlier that night when it was him doing the very same act. It's the softest he's ever seen her, motherhood all ready wearing down the once ubiquitous edge to her shoulders that not even he could completely erase.

“She is perfect and we made her. I can’t still believe it” she confessed. Az’s arm crossed the space between them to run a thumb along her cheek, to caress the lines on her face that spoke of her happiness and trace the smile on her lips. Ever so gently, he straightened the arm propping his head till his upper body towered over the two of them. His thumb went from her lips to graze her chin, then the strong line of her jaw before burrowing his hand, in her long, red, tresses.

He kissed her, with all the reverence, honor and love he could pour into a kiss. Because they may have created Astrid together but it was Ansel who carried her all those months, Ansel who brought her into this world. Astrid was all Ansel… was totally perfect.

They only pulled away when the need for air became too great and even then he did not stray, nuzzling his nose into the crease of her cheek before pressing his brow onto hers. His lips tingled from the intensity of their kiss, his blood singing as the sweetness of her breaths continued to coat his tongue.

“We can do this” she said with confidence, confirming his suspicions that she heard more than she let on of his conversation with their daughter. He doubted for a moment but finally nodded. “I can do anything, as long as we're together”.

She nipped at his lips lightly in response before running her own fingers through his hair, tucking some of the wilder curls behind his ear. “Sleep now” she said, her lips twitching, “while we have the chance”. “As my lady commands” he crooned with a smile.

Then Az snuggled closer to Astrid and Ansel till his body was pressed slightly onto Astrid’s side and a sliver of space was left between him and Ansel's heads. A shudder went through him at the slight nip in the air and so he slid his hand across the sheets beneath the baby’s feet, chasing warmth till he was ghosting his wife’s palm. She reached for him, tangling their fingers together. “Thank you” he whispered, “for this beautiful life”.

Ansel held his hazel gaze, full of love and smiled. But all she said was, “I’m the one who is grateful, my love. I… I love you, Az” her eyes drooping shut, but it was enough, they both knew. It had always been more than enough, because five hundred years of existence yet he didn't know what it meant to truly live, not till he met her.

They were three bodies, bound by love, whose souls had now merged to one.

And outside, for the first time that season and unbeknownst to them...

Snow fell.


End file.
